Hope In The Midst of Affliction

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassion's never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." Lamentations 3:22-24 (NIV) 2010 has started out with a bang for me and it had nothing to do with resolutions. On January 13th, Thursday morning everything changed dramatically for me. Having battled low blood sugars for many years and Doctors diagnosing me with CF related Diabetes, I was very aware of my fluctuating levels and keeping them fairly under control. Before entering the fabulous Walmart hallways to shop I checked my blood sugars and I thought I was okay for awhile. About 10 minutes into this shopping experience almost instantaneously my sugars were at rock bottom. Fighting off the blackout I felt my head twitch to which I responded with a shake it off reaction, staying awake at all cost. A coke was brought to my rescue and sugars came up slowly and I regained full consciousness. Approximately 10 minutes after that things were not right. It felt like another sugar low was coming on, so I went to grab something to eat from the highly recognized old McDonald's. As much as I have enjoyed my 5 star experience there before, this time eating had become a bit of a challenge for me. I love eating and can handle a fair bit before I am fully stuffed, so I knew this was unusual. I was definitely not feeling very good. After eating I decided to end the day early, go home and rest. My mother-in-law was out with me, so she agreed that I did not look well at all and was a little concerned after watching me almost pass out earlier. Driving home down circle drive all of a sudden I started feeling light headed and dizzy and that turned into a racing heart. I pulled off the road and parked until the feeling passed and then got back on the road. Again these feelings came over me and forced me to again pull off the road, but this time the situation got worse. Along with the encouragement of my mother-in-law I finally dialed 911. When the paramedics arrived they found my blood pressure at 190 over 130 and my heart rate at 125. After a great deal of encouragement from the paramedics, my mother-in-law and a friendly phone call I agreed to go to emergency in the ambulance. A surreal feeling as I was chauffeured off to the hospital for the first time in something other than my car.

Upon arriving at the Saskatoon City Hospital Emergency I was checked in, asked a few questions, and several tests were taken. The conclusion was that I was dehydrated and a litre of fluids through I.V. was given to me. I was sent home with a blood pressure of 185 over 100 with no answers, the first of many improper diagnoses and a long journey ahead of me. Thus the latest of my journeys begins.

"I love you, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." Psalm 18:1,2 "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." Psalm 46:1 (NIV) As my journey continues Saturday becomes another emergency call to 911 with a blood pressure of 205 over 107 and a very fast heart rate. Upon the arrival of the paramedics they check my blood pressure and it had already come down slightly and continued to do so while they were with me. Still remaining high they feel the need to tell me I am probably having an anxiety attack, which they felt would account for the heart palpitations. Well that didn't go over with me to well, so I was happy to see them leave and Gary and I decided to go our own route. We took a little drive over to the walk-in-clinic where my family doctor practices out of. After sitting there uncomfortably for almost 2 hours the walk-in-doctor sees me, checks my blood pressure and proceeds to conclude that I am experiencing panic attacks. Through these episodes, as I refer to them, I would also get light headed and dizzy. His advice was to go home and do what you normally do. I responded by saying so if I feel like passing out, just let myself pass out and then I should come to all on my own. His sarcastic response to me was, and I quote, "I have never heard of anyone passing out from a panic attack." One piece of constructive advice he did give me was to come in everyday for a blood pressure check until I could get in to see my doctor.

Feeling completely physically and mentally exhausted from whatever my body was going through it was impossible for me to do anything. Any normal activity that I did before become a gigantic task, like getting up off the couch, walking, going to the bathroom, eating and even talking. My appetite was done to nothing almost immediately and the weight started coming off. I forced myself to eat throughout the day as I don't have pounds to spare. These are things and many more that I haven't described here that I had never experienced before.

Monday afternoon I went in for a blood pressure check and my doctor happened to see me there. The nurse explained to her what was going on with me and then proceeded to put me in an examining room. As many other health care professionals had done before her, she proceeded to check my blood pressure and it was up. She sees it says anxiety on my file from the previous doctor comment and tells me we need to deal with this anxiety problem first. Unfortunately I was not pleased with this response, especially after I had already been experiencing high blood pressure for the past 5 days of which 2 911 calls were made, and no one was willing to treat what was happening to me seriously. Needless to say I raised my voice a little to get my point across, especially after she finishes up with this could be the "White Coat Syndrome". I said, "Dr., I have been seeing doctors for over 40 years, when do you think this white coat syndrome started for me?" Silence and then she realizes I am fed up and asks me to lie down on the bed, relax for 10 minutes and she will redo my blood pressure. Fortunately she sees that my blood pressure is still high after that and agrees to send me home on some medication to try to control the high blood pressure. Relieved that she was listening to me, but maybe not believing me, I went home and started the medication the next morning.

The following week was uneventful as we waited for the blood pressure medication show signs of improvement. Only 2 days into the treatment the doctor doubled the daily dose I was taking, so more waiting. Patience, a quality definitely lacking in my life, is now something I am learning very quickly. In the midst of waiting for positive results my weakness and fatigue continue to control my ability to carry on regular everyday duties. I have been blessed with a wonderful, caring, compassionate husband who has been available at every moment that I needed anything taken care of. Taking my blood pressure for me when I was even to weak to check my own pressure. Driving me from one appointment to another, bringing me a drink of water or a plate of food and coming home early from work if I called and wasn't feeling very good. He has gone above and beyond to make sure that I find the road to recovery. I have been blessed with a terrific family who have all been extremely selfless and giving. Meals have been supplied, house work taken care of and visits when I did not want to be alone. My Mother is a very precious gift in my life as she has given of herself more than I am deserving of. She made sure that my laundry has been kept up to date and always making sure that if no one was bringing or preparing a meal for us that we had a home cooked meal. Often she would arrive around lunch time with a sub sandwich for us to share dinner over. Then off to pick up groceries that we were in most need of. I could go on and on about the generosity and kindness that I and Gary have felt.