God's Grace is Sufficient

"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." II Corinthians 12:7-10 "May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world." Galatians 6:14

Yes it is August 30th and I am finally getting back to updating my story. I posted this photo of Gary and I because it speaks volumes to me after everything we have been through the past year. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, or in our case 19 years of wedded bliss.

Let me go back to March 2nd - 13th where I was hospitalized for high blood pressure. After sorting out my medications I was able to be discharged from the hospital. It seemed like life was much the same at home the months following my discharge. Alot of patience waiting for my health to improve, others coming and cleaning, cooking and taking care of laundry and groceries, while Gary went to work. I am so thankful and grateful for my mother and her continued sacrifice of herself to look after us and our household duties. There were still plenty of doctor appointments, medication adjustments and me trying to figure things out. Little by little I was getting stronger and able to cook a meal here and there and even go downststairs to do a load of laundry. Eventually I was able to keep up with most of the household chores at my pace, and that wasn't very speedy. Washing floors, dusting and cleaning bathrooms required alot more strength and energy than I had, so I still had others doing that for me.

July started off a whirlwind of summer events that tested my strength, perseverance and confidence level in myself. Instead of our yearly summer Amendt family hottub party we tried a new adventure and headed out to Pike Lake. We had reserved cabins and campsites early in January for a three day weekend in July. Packing food, clothes, bedding and all the things needed for camping was only the beginning of the challenges for me. Starting to organize and pack well ahead of time helped to keep me from becoming overwhelmed with the whole camping process. Once to the lake I wanted to challenge myself with as much walking as I could do, which wasn't very much, but knew it would help with the healing process. Again success on so many levels. Up early and visiting late into the evening, going for small walks with the nieces and nephews, and sisters, helping out a little with meals and even packing all up again when we headed home. It turned out to be an awesome week for the Amendt family camping trip and looking forward to the Pike Lake adventure again next summer.

The 2 weeks prior to Pike Lake I was able to go on IV antibiotics for my lungs again, which in turn gave me an extra added boost to enjoy our time at the lake. Ten days was as many days as I could tolerate this time round with the meds. We had to go three times to emergency in ten days to get my IV restarted, so after ten days I pulled the last needle out and called it a done deal. My arms and hands were sore and bruised from IV's that failed within minutes of being tried and from the many tubes of blood that had to be taken from me on at least 4 different days in the ten day period. Finally enough is enough. It did help somewhat, but not as much as I was used to in the past.

In the months leading up until July I was getting stronger little baby steps at a time, but I started noticing I couldn't eat as much as I should be, because I felt full all the time. Eventually going to the bathroom was becoming more and more difficult. It seemed that I was feeling more pressure in my abdomen over time and then my clothes around my waist weren't fitting properly. Oh sure at first thought it sounds like I was just gaining weight, but I felt more like something was growing inside of me. Before you all start thinking wierd things let me clear your thoughts - No Chance of Pregnancy - didn't even cross my mind. Throughout the month of July it seemed like the pressure was getting worse and it seemed like I couldn't go to the bathroom anymore. Gary did not like the fact that I wasn't eating anything, or at least as good as nothing. My mom had given me the name of a blood analyst about a month earlier, so after alot of encouragement from my husband I finally agreed to call and set up an appointment with him. July 22nd I met with Mr. Darrell Wright who works with natural products and colon/liver cleansing here in Saskatoon. Thank the Lord for sending me to a man with his ability. After Gary and I felt the doctors had done all they could and were going to do I was basicly on my way to dieing. I thought I would never see my 49th birthday. A very hopeless, skeptical Barbara entered an office, but left with hope and a chance at living again.

Perseverance Under Trial

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. Blessed is the man who perseverses under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised." James 1:2-4,12 (NIV)
Sorry I have fallen behind on the updates here on my blog, so lets try to catch up. Leaving off with feeling like the doctors are finally getting behind the high blood pressure, things take a more serious turn for the worse. Sunday, Monday and Tuesday bring the spiking blood pressures again and I call Gary at work to come home and take me to Royal University Hospital emergency. I am rushed in ahead of others to see a doctor and again test after test is done and something very small shows up in the blood work. The emergency doctor tells me my sodium is low and would highly recommend that I be admitted to hospital. When the doctor that does the admitting comes to see me the many monitors that I am hooked up to are signalling high blood pressure and very fast heart rate. So no questions asked I was immediately admitted to hospital that evening of March 2nd. A room came available to me around 12:30 am and I was promptly moved up to the ward.
My first night was shared with 3 elderly men who could not get out of there beds, couldn't feed themselves, and shared special sounds like snoring and, well you get the picture. I think I may have had my first experience of what it would be like in a nursing home. Fortunately that would be short lived and I was moved to a private room that afternoon - Yah!! So more tests, lots of blood work, Heparin shots twice a day to keep me from blood clots, because I was not moving around much. A heart stress test was done on Thursday which had not been properly explained to me, which I later found out should have never been done. Gary was with me at the hospital, but was not allowed to come in when the test was administered. So I was injected with a drug that brings on the stress of the heart which is normally done by exercising on a treadmill. It basicly makes you feel like a billion tons is lying on your chest, you can't breath and your entire body seems extremely heavy. Anyway that is done and I tell Gary he can go back to work that day I should be fine. He was barely gone for an hour and my sister called him back because things had gone from bad to worse again. This time I felt like I was going blind and experiencing a severe heart attack. He got to the hospital and things seemed very hazy at this point for me. As I recall the series of events following that attack nothing seems to make sense. The thing that stands out to me is Gary giving me a big hug when he got to my room and then proceeding to tear a strip off the doctor. The doctor tried to help us understand what may have happened and puts the responsibility in another doctors hands. The was the beginning of blaming others and many different opinions by many different doctors, which made things very confusing for both Gary and I.
After that eventful afternoon with my heart and my vision the doctors had me moved to the observation room. I felt like I was being demoted and a sense of hopelessness came over me. By now I am finding it very hard to get around on my own, so I am being wheeled around to the bathroom and to the shower. Of course blood pressure medication was started the day I was admitted to hospital and the meds are starting to have some positive impact. I am taking 4 blood pressure medications plus on the nitro patch to help keep my heart rate down. I have also been placed on a heart monitor, so that the doctors could stay on top of when my heart rate would go up. So that in turn brought on many ECG's that always showed all was okay. Being on so much medication to bring my pressure down, now I am starting to struggle with low blood pressure. Convincing the doctors of this seemed to be quite a challenge until I started having nightmares. An adjustment was made to reduce some meds and change a few. I also started taking a sleeping pill so that I could get some proper sleep. Everyday I would ask if I could move back to a private room hoping things were improving with my health. I ended up being in observation for about 5 days and then happy to be back in a private room. I still needed help getting to the bathroom and to the shower. Someone from the family was always around, so they were able to help me and I didn't have to bother the nurses.

Patience of Job

"A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly." Proverbs 14:29 "Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city." Proverbs 16:32 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such there is no law." Galatians 5:22, 23 (All verses from NIV)
Patience is a virtue - I've heard it said all my life. Definitely one of the fruits of the spirit I lack greatly. During the waiting process of this journey I have been described as having the Patience of Job. I can only say, I have never met anyone with the Patience of Job and cannot imagine I will ever grow in patience to the level of Job.
Let me recap as I have I had a little time from my last entry. On January 14th my life changed dramatically from the day before. Calling 911 and being whisked away to emergency with a blood pressure of 190 over 130, I had no idea what was happening to me. No answers, so home to see what happens next. A couple of days later another call to 911 and the anxiety chatter begins, even though my blood pressure seems to be extremely elevated. Gary and I go to the clinic where my doctor works out of to have my blood pressure checked. The panic attack diagnosis is the end result even though again my blood pressure is extremely elevated. Upon visiting my doctor several days later, after my pressure has not gone back down to normal I am still being told that the anxiety has to be taken care of first. Well you know the rest of that story. After medication has been given to me the process is slow and steady, still not feeling like I am being taken seriously. Another emergency visit with my pressure through the roof, I am finally being taken more serious and the tests begin. Off to a blood pressure specialist who adds medication to help stabilize my pressure and again the waiting continues. In the meantime my lungs are tightening and I am finding it a bit more difficult to take deep breaths. I was able to get on the home IV program and start antibiotics to help alleviate the pressure on my lungs. The test of patience does not end there, as I endure 8 needle pokes and 6 successful IV sites to run my medication through in a 14 day stretch. I also had to adjust the speed of injecting the meds because they were wearing out my veins and causing me some pain. After 2 weeks of IV antibiotics I can tell things are better with my lungs. I went in to the hospital to have my last IV taken out and then I went to do a breathing test, to see how much my lungs improved. Well I was nicely surprised to see that my test resulted in a 62 percent lung function. Approximately 4 months ago I was sitting at 48 percent, so I was quite pleased.
Upon visiting the blood pressure specialist I was told there would be an appointment set up for me to have a renal Doppler ultrasound on the artery connected to my right kidney. Again the waiting game begins. I call within the first week after hearing nothing and am told yes the letter has been sent, so you should hear something soon. I waited 'patiently' as another week passed with no word. I called again and was told the same information, but that she would check and make sure they got the letter. Later that afternoon I had an appointment with my family doctor just to check on the blood pressure progression. I mentioned it to her that I haven't heard anything yet and was wondering why it hadn't happened yet. Prior to our conversation the nurse had checked my pressure and it was high. The doctor said she would find out what was going on with the ultrasound and get back to me. Not happy with my pressure she upped the dosage of one of my meds and I again was feeling like my situation was being taken more serious. So home we go and, you got it, the waiting game begins again. Excellent you are all catching on quickly! (-:
The next day I get the mail and WOW there is a letter with an appointment date for my renal Doppler ultrasound. Needless to say I was surprised. Amazing what doctors can really do once 'they' actually believe there is really something wrong with you. At times it feels like it has only taken 6 weeks for doctors to believe that I am not making my blood pressure go up, but that there is legitimately something happening that is out of my control.

Perseverance

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:2, 3, 4, 12, 17 (NIV)
A night in the ER brought about more appointments, suspicions and more medication. I was able to talk to the head of the ER who gave me a prescription for the same pill that brought my blood pressure down when we had arrived at the University Hospital Emergency. It was only to be used if the top number of my blood pressure went up to 190 or higher. Fortunately the fluid pill that I had started the day before seemed to be working quickly and my pressure did not spike up over 175 again. I was also set up with an appointment to see the blood pressure specialist the following week. As the week passed it was uneventful as I continued to relax on the couch and family and friends stopped by to visit and help out with cleaning and meals.
There were suspicions of kidney artery narrowing after I had been examined at emergency, so my appointment with the blood pressure specialist encouraged other future appointments. Another medication was added to continue to bring my pressure down. The specialist felt that would be beneficial as my body continues to find some sort of stability. She also wants to have a look at my heart after examining me, so she told me there would be an ultra sound set up for both my heart and my kidney.
So the count is 3 blood pressure medications and one waiting in the wings only for emergency. More waiting, teaches more patience as I wait for the phone to ring with appointment dates. I have taught myself how to keep my blood sugars under control without the use of insulin. I have been eating smaller portions at mealtime, eating snacks in between and trying to keep everything on the same time schedule. As the next week passes I am starting to have more hours where I feel better than not so good, but still not really being able to do much more than resting on the couch. Resting is probably a good thing as my body is working so hard to stay afloat, but that brings a little complication with my lungs. No movement is causing my lungs to feel heavier and tighter, so it is time to treat me with IV antibiotics. On Feb. 10th, Wednesday afternoon Gary took me in to get me started on on my first med. At this point I have been on the 3rd blood pressure medication for a week and I have already seen positive results. I have a cuff to check my own pressure with at home and could see the numbers were staying down more regularly.

Tears Of Relief

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength. And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:13,19 (NIV) On Friday January 22nd I had an appointment with my CF doctor and talked to him about what was happening to me. As my illness at this point is a continuous mystery, he does conclude it is not CF related and that being treated for high blood pressure is a great start. He sets up a phone call with my family physician to encourage her to refer me to a blood pressure specialist, who might be able to tweak the medication to fit my individual needs. More issues seem to be revealing themselves as I find myself struggling to keep my sugar levels up along with an imbalance with my cycle. My doctor wanted me back in her office Monday to check on my blood pressure to see if things were becoming more stable. Deciding that I could use a little more help with the situation she puts me on a fluid pill hoping to see a better outcome.

Tuesday morning Gary is off to work and I am heading back to what has become my favourite spot lately, the couch. Resting, resting and more resting. At this point I am starting to feel tired of resting, but there was nothing else I could do, so no point in complaining about it. Approximately 1:45 that afternoon things get a little out of hand. I am feeling very light headed, dizzy and my heart rate is going up. I wait it out for about 15 minutes and it is definitely not getting better. Finally talking myself into calling Gary at work he comes home checks my blood pressure and it is 205 over 107. An hour since these symptoms start we are in the car driving to University Hospital Emergency. That seemed like an extremely long ride and my blood pressure continued to spike encouraging my heart to race.

Extreme pressure in my head made it almost impossible for me to walk so Gary dropped me off right at the door and I plopped myself into a wheelchair. Upon registering my blood pressure was sitting at 195 over 98, so I was feeling a slight bit of relief in my head. We were told it could be awhile before I would be able to see a doctor and that was pretty obvious as the emergency waiting room was spilling out into the hallway. I decided to call my doctor and let her know we were in emergency due to a spike in my blood pressure and she steered back to the anxiety story, so I politely said okay, thank you and good bye. It was getting time for me to eat so as not to have to deal with low sugars right then. We asked the registration nurse if there would be time for us to get a bite to eat and she suggested we go get our lunch and bring it back to emergency to eat. Once in the food court we decided to eat there which gave us some time to think the situation through. Discouragement set in as we discussed how long we would be sitting waiting to see a doctor and felt no one would do anything anyway. We made up our minds to go back to emergency and tell the nurse we were just going to go home. A miracle on the horizon as we travelled back to the registration desk. Approaching with our decision made, the nurse sees us coming and asks if I am Barbara Ginther. I say yes and she proceeds to tell me there is a room for me and pulls my name out from the bottom of the pill. Wow, that was definitely the amazing power of prayer and God's hand directly at work. Of course we were surprised at that news and immediately followed the nurse to the room filled with a little more hope. Lieing on the bed my blood pressure was taken and it was 215 over 107, to which the doctor said immediate action needed to be taken to bring that pressure down. As he left the room to get the proper medication for me a sense of relief came over me and I started to cry quietly. Noticing that I was a bit emotional Gary responds to me by saying, it's okay, don't worry, everything will be okay. I replied back and said, oh these are not tears of worry, these are tears of relief.

Things started happening very fast from there. I was given a pill to help bring my pressure down and within approximately 30 minutes there was improvement.

Hope In The Midst of Affliction

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassion's never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." Lamentations 3:22-24 (NIV) 2010 has started out with a bang for me and it had nothing to do with resolutions. On January 13th, Thursday morning everything changed dramatically for me. Having battled low blood sugars for many years and Doctors diagnosing me with CF related Diabetes, I was very aware of my fluctuating levels and keeping them fairly under control. Before entering the fabulous Walmart hallways to shop I checked my blood sugars and I thought I was okay for awhile. About 10 minutes into this shopping experience almost instantaneously my sugars were at rock bottom. Fighting off the blackout I felt my head twitch to which I responded with a shake it off reaction, staying awake at all cost. A coke was brought to my rescue and sugars came up slowly and I regained full consciousness. Approximately 10 minutes after that things were not right. It felt like another sugar low was coming on, so I went to grab something to eat from the highly recognized old McDonald's. As much as I have enjoyed my 5 star experience there before, this time eating had become a bit of a challenge for me. I love eating and can handle a fair bit before I am fully stuffed, so I knew this was unusual. I was definitely not feeling very good. After eating I decided to end the day early, go home and rest. My mother-in-law was out with me, so she agreed that I did not look well at all and was a little concerned after watching me almost pass out earlier. Driving home down circle drive all of a sudden I started feeling light headed and dizzy and that turned into a racing heart. I pulled off the road and parked until the feeling passed and then got back on the road. Again these feelings came over me and forced me to again pull off the road, but this time the situation got worse. Along with the encouragement of my mother-in-law I finally dialed 911. When the paramedics arrived they found my blood pressure at 190 over 130 and my heart rate at 125. After a great deal of encouragement from the paramedics, my mother-in-law and a friendly phone call I agreed to go to emergency in the ambulance. A surreal feeling as I was chauffeured off to the hospital for the first time in something other than my car.

Upon arriving at the Saskatoon City Hospital Emergency I was checked in, asked a few questions, and several tests were taken. The conclusion was that I was dehydrated and a litre of fluids through I.V. was given to me. I was sent home with a blood pressure of 185 over 100 with no answers, the first of many improper diagnoses and a long journey ahead of me. Thus the latest of my journeys begins.

"I love you, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." Psalm 18:1,2 "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." Psalm 46:1 (NIV) As my journey continues Saturday becomes another emergency call to 911 with a blood pressure of 205 over 107 and a very fast heart rate. Upon the arrival of the paramedics they check my blood pressure and it had already come down slightly and continued to do so while they were with me. Still remaining high they feel the need to tell me I am probably having an anxiety attack, which they felt would account for the heart palpitations. Well that didn't go over with me to well, so I was happy to see them leave and Gary and I decided to go our own route. We took a little drive over to the walk-in-clinic where my family doctor practices out of. After sitting there uncomfortably for almost 2 hours the walk-in-doctor sees me, checks my blood pressure and proceeds to conclude that I am experiencing panic attacks. Through these episodes, as I refer to them, I would also get light headed and dizzy. His advice was to go home and do what you normally do. I responded by saying so if I feel like passing out, just let myself pass out and then I should come to all on my own. His sarcastic response to me was, and I quote, "I have never heard of anyone passing out from a panic attack." One piece of constructive advice he did give me was to come in everyday for a blood pressure check until I could get in to see my doctor.

Feeling completely physically and mentally exhausted from whatever my body was going through it was impossible for me to do anything. Any normal activity that I did before become a gigantic task, like getting up off the couch, walking, going to the bathroom, eating and even talking. My appetite was done to nothing almost immediately and the weight started coming off. I forced myself to eat throughout the day as I don't have pounds to spare. These are things and many more that I haven't described here that I had never experienced before.

Monday afternoon I went in for a blood pressure check and my doctor happened to see me there. The nurse explained to her what was going on with me and then proceeded to put me in an examining room. As many other health care professionals had done before her, she proceeded to check my blood pressure and it was up. She sees it says anxiety on my file from the previous doctor comment and tells me we need to deal with this anxiety problem first. Unfortunately I was not pleased with this response, especially after I had already been experiencing high blood pressure for the past 5 days of which 2 911 calls were made, and no one was willing to treat what was happening to me seriously. Needless to say I raised my voice a little to get my point across, especially after she finishes up with this could be the "White Coat Syndrome". I said, "Dr., I have been seeing doctors for over 40 years, when do you think this white coat syndrome started for me?" Silence and then she realizes I am fed up and asks me to lie down on the bed, relax for 10 minutes and she will redo my blood pressure. Fortunately she sees that my blood pressure is still high after that and agrees to send me home on some medication to try to control the high blood pressure. Relieved that she was listening to me, but maybe not believing me, I went home and started the medication the next morning.

The following week was uneventful as we waited for the blood pressure medication show signs of improvement. Only 2 days into the treatment the doctor doubled the daily dose I was taking, so more waiting. Patience, a quality definitely lacking in my life, is now something I am learning very quickly. In the midst of waiting for positive results my weakness and fatigue continue to control my ability to carry on regular everyday duties. I have been blessed with a wonderful, caring, compassionate husband who has been available at every moment that I needed anything taken care of. Taking my blood pressure for me when I was even to weak to check my own pressure. Driving me from one appointment to another, bringing me a drink of water or a plate of food and coming home early from work if I called and wasn't feeling very good. He has gone above and beyond to make sure that I find the road to recovery. I have been blessed with a terrific family who have all been extremely selfless and giving. Meals have been supplied, house work taken care of and visits when I did not want to be alone. My Mother is a very precious gift in my life as she has given of herself more than I am deserving of. She made sure that my laundry has been kept up to date and always making sure that if no one was bringing or preparing a meal for us that we had a home cooked meal. Often she would arrive around lunch time with a sub sandwich for us to share dinner over. Then off to pick up groceries that we were in most need of. I could go on and on about the generosity and kindness that I and Gary have felt.